if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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