so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
