does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you made out with another girl for some wings
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
