I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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