youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
