I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
