Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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