did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
