cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hippo gnu deer
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
