Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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