shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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