your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
