Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
