it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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