no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
