Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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