hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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