I can tuck mytits in my pants
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
