They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
