if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
