sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
