i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
