I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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