I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
