Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
