3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
