Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
