Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
