If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i've created a new STD.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
