i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
