Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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