You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You've changed since you got that strap on
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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