im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
