So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize