Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to cum in my sink.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
