Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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