They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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