You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
