This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
