I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
