my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
