Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
