I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This house was built for laser tag.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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