Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
