highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
