I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
