This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
