areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
