new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
