You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
