I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
